Some thoughts, many unoriginal

Defenestrate is an awesome word.

Listening to the rain is incredibly soothing. Same thing goes for the ocean. Or a river. I believe I was born to be a fish.

Or a bird. Every time I place myself on anything remotely resembling a precipice, I am nearly overcome with the urge to cast myself off and just fly. This is problematic, since I possess neither wings nor the innate ability to hover, float, or glide.

I have a cold. My sinuses and ears are all stuffed up, my throat is sore, and I feel achy all over. This isn't recorded by way of complaint, only remark; I almost never get sick. Point of clarification: I feel sick a lot of the time, but it's typically from internal causes like poor eating or sleeping habits, say, or perhaps chemicals I take into my body to prevent ovulation. It's rare that external organisms like bacteria or viruses build up enough of a population inside me to make me take notice. Today is one of those days.

Veils are expensive. Weddings are expensive. And ridiculous, mostly. It's rare that an event in my life is governed and dictated by such deep-rooted traditions. I'm not sure if this bothers me or not...I don't really have time to think about it.

I think I have a...what would you say? Not an alter ego, but...a kindred spirit, perhaps, in the (relatively) anonymous online personality who terms herself Uffish Thought. So much of what she writes resonates with me--it feels like something I would want to say, only she says it better. May I borrow some of her words? Apparently we've been thinking a lot of the same things lately.

I have neither the time nor the skill to explain the whirlwind of thoughts from these past few weeks. ... I feel like I've turned a page in the book of my life ... There's so much filling my head, though, I can't put it down quite right.

...the realization that you aren't suddenly prepared to deal with life when you hit 'adulthood' has suddenly descended upon me. I knew it, but now I know it more. And parenthood! I could be a parent within 5 years [a year, say, for me!] ... I think I'd do a decent job, but I'd like to do a fantastic one. Once I start having kids, though, I won't suddenly be WonderMom. I'll have the same habits and problems as I did before. And I'd like to teach by example, as well as just verbally. So I'd better start practicing what I want to preach now. Or at least try a little harder.

... I realized I [don't] know much about how [my brothers] interact with people outside the home. ... It's strange to me that I know my own family so little, and that it's not likely that I'll get to know them much better, unless by some chance, we end up living close to each other when we're all grown and settled. Hopefully, we can at least write or call frequently. I've been in a little closer communication with my parents these past few weeks, too, and I'm beginning to realize that feeling like I've got a good relationship there is just as simple as opening up a little more and making sure to include them in my life.

[I love this. It's beautiful.] ... There's still a lot to do, a lot to think about, a whole life to figure it all out in, but time goes faster as it goes along, and it gets harder to change. I've been here before, I'll be here again, but I hope to be more then than I am now.

It's odd how much I feel like I have in common with this person, although we've never met and never will.

Oh, dear. I'm so distracted tonight because I can't stop thinking about poor Scott. He got up around 6 this morning to finish homework and study for a midterm, spent all day studying and taking said midterm, and is now just beginning an 8(ish)-hour stint of an all-nighter to finish the projects he has due at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Silly as it sounds, it breaks my heart to think of him plugging along at 3 in the morning when he's already so exhausted, mentally and physically. I want to swoop in and do it for him, let him take a little nap at least, but I know that I can't (not just that I shouldn't, but that I'm actually incapable of doing his work for him). It frustrates me and makes me sad to see him tired or unhappy. I just want to solve it, to make it go away, to make him feel better. Goodness, this sounds ridiculous. Is this a small part of what it means to be a parent?

Ugh. I'm sitting here sniffling and putting off homework again. Back to the grindstone...